You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
