More tranny stories later!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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