where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
