I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
