So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
