this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
