Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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