Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
