can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
