yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
