If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
