I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Randomize
