You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
