so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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