I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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