She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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