was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
