I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
