So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
