You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
