Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
