Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
