My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
