I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
