when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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