the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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