You're so nebulous sometimes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
