he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
