My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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