My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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