My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you never un-have a 4some
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
