Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
