Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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