I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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