ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
