Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
