If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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