so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
