Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
