i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
