It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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