my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
