Your face is a jimmy john
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
