The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
