I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
