the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He felt like a one man threesome
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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