Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
