Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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