Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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