Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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