My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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